Steve Thompson: “I know how he felt. The darkness eats away at you.”
This article is written by Progressive Rugby
In 2011 NFL-star Dave Duerson was just 50 when he shot himself through the heart so his brain could be donated to the NFL Brain Bank. RWC2003-winner Steve Thompson never thought he’d understand such ‘weak’ mindedness, until suddenly he did.
It’s hard to ignore the parallels between Steve Thompson and Dave Duerson.
Famous elite athletes, major trophies, fathers-of four, basketball-lovers, but most pertinently two men who lives are undeniably affected by the brutality of collision sport.
Does Thompson think they could have chewed the cud over a few beers?
“Yeah, I reckon so. We’d probably ended up talking about basketball,” says Thompson who loved the game as a youngster.
Sadly in 2011, Duerson, a two-time Super Bowl winner with Chicago Bears (1985) and New York Giants (1990) respectively, aged just 50, shot himself in the heart leaving a note that simply read: ‘Please, see that my brain is given to the NFL's brain bank.’
There’s another one of those parallels. Thompson was announced in September 2021 as the first professional athlete to pledge his brain to the Concussion Legacy Project for research on Chronic Traumatic Encephalopathy (CTE) and other consequences of brain trauma.
There are the symptoms too of course. Thompson relates to Duerson’s desperately faltering memory and mood swings, to the feelings of despair.
But does he understand Duerson, whose brain was found to have advanced CTE, succumbing to the demons in his head?
“God yes, I have great sympathy for Dave Duerson,” Thompson, who played 73 games for England and almost 200 for Northampton Saints, said.
“I know how he felt. The darkness eats away at you. The thought that you could become a burden to your family can become all consuming.
“I’ve been open about having suicidal thoughts and come close a few times because when you are in that place it feels like the best thing for everyone.
“The brutal truth is that without the unwavering support of my wife Steph and Consultant Clinical Neuropsychologist Dr Gavin Newby, I wonder if I’d still be here, and that something that breaks my heart when I think of my kids.”
Thompson, who was diagnosed with early onset dementia and probable CTE back aged 42, has learnt how to best manage his condition and each day sets out to be the best father and husband he can be. But ultimately it’s one day at a time.
One drive for him is to do all he can through organisations like Progressive Rugby to make sure the game learns the lessons of the past to protect those in the future. Changes demanded include fewer games for players, mandated contact training limits, protected rest periods and enhanced concussion protocols that err of the side of caution.
“Look, it’s too late for me,” he said. “There’s still times I wish I wasn’t in the firing line, but the more players who come forward the more sure I am that I’ve done the right thing.
“Selfishly, I want to make sure I can look at myself in the mirror and know I did what I could to try and protect those who played the game after me.”
When Thompson refers to the ‘firing line’ it’s a nod to the fact he received abuse when he came forward, with some keyboard warriors wishing harm to both him and his children from so-called rugby lovers accusing him of money grabbing and trying to kill the game.
But with CTE now widely accepted as being caused by repetitive rattling of the brains by those involved in contact sport the tide is turning, and that’s thanks to people like Thompson and Alix Popham, Carl Hayman and Michael Lipman who have also shared intimate details of the struggles they now face.
Their honesty has played a huge part in helping the rugby family understand the need for change, even those ones who really don’t like it.
“There’s still times I wish I wasn’t in the firing line, but the more players who come forward the more sure I am that I’ve done the right thing.”